I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
