lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
