he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
