I could have mohawked her pubes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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