if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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