Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
