i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
