if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
