He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
