dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Randomize
