Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
