i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
