we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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