I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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