I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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