Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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