I didn't shave. On purpose
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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