For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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