Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
