wanna go halves on a baby?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
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