She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
