I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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