I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
