Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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