i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
