Porn is love you can see.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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