theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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