my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize