Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
