He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
