i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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