mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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