I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
