there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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