Porn is love you can see.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
