what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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