2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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