i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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