When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
