thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
His nipple licking is glorious
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