I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
