The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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