Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
