So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
