he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My penis needs a shock collar
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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