Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
