I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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