I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
