I am spending my child support on dildos
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
