I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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