I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
