My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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