I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
