remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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