So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
