I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
