she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
