Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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