Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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