No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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