Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize