Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
