this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Semen is not good for contacts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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