Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
