I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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