I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
