Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
