Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
