i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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