guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
