i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
did i walk over a car last night?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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