you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
