If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
