he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize