I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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