Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize