dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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