Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
