I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
