Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
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