I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
