My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
