Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just cut my nipple shaving
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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