I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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