I've blown a few things in my day
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's like iHOP with fire
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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