If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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