bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize