so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
