If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
