How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
