Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
