True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
