I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
MIDGETS
????
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
