This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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