that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
