I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
