We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
