Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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