When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize