ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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