I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
