In the future we'll all be gay
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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