I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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