When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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