hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
