We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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