You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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