Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
