remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
