Im at strip club and am horny
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
